The First Duty of Love is to Listen

The First Duty of Love is to Listen

When I ask you to listen to me and you give me advice,

you have not heard what I asked of you.

When I ask you to listen and you tell me why I shouldn't feel as I do,

you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen and you feel you have to find solutions to my problems, 

I feel let down, strange as it may seem.

Please listen.  

All I ask is that you listen - not talk or do or advise - 

Just LISTEN.

Advice is cheap.  I can get that anywhere.

I can do that for myself.  I'm not helpless - maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,

you contribute to my fear and reinforce my weaknesses.

When you accept as a simple fact that I feel what I feel,

however irrational it may sound to you,

then I can quit trying to convince you, and I can then explore this irrational feeling.

When that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.

My irrational fears make sense when I can discover what's behind them.

If you listen and understand I can work things out for myself.

So I ask again.  Just listen - and if you too have something to say, be Patient - then I'll listen to you.

SOURCE: UNKNOWN