FIFO and Parenting Adolescents

Raising Teenagers in today's world is no easy business, and the added complication of Fly-In/Fly Out Lifestyles can make it harder.     ECU are doing research in this area, and have a website with tips for FIFO Families.

http://www.chprc.ecu.edu.au/projects/raising-adolescents-developing-strategies-for-fly-infly-out-parents/overviewhttp://www.chprc.ecu.edu.au/projects/raising-adolescents-developing-strategies-for-fly-infly-out-parents/overview

One Mother's Phone Contract with her Teen

To My 13-Year-Old, An iPhone Contract From Your Mum, With Love

Posted: 12/28/2012 5:15 pm

Dear Gregory

Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good and responsible 13-year-old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.

I love you madly and look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?

2. I will always know the password.

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mum" or "Dad." Not ever.

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30 p.m. every school night and every weekend night at 9:00 p.m. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30 a.m. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person -- preferably me or your father.

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.

13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone.

xoxoxo,

Mum

PARENTING IDEAS TO PREVENT ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION IN TEENS

BeyondBlue:    Parents and Guardians Webpage:    Parenting Strategies.

Anxiety and Depression in teenagers is on the increase.    The National Depression Prevention organisation Beyond Blue now has a webpage for parents/guardians, to suggest ways of preventing these developing, and what to do if they already have.

A

SAFE SCHOOLS HUB: info for parents

http://www.safeschoolshub.edu.au/for-parents

Check out the National Safe Schools Framework's SAFE SCHOOLS HUB:  main focus is primary students, but messages are sound for all ages.

Ask.fm......or preferably DON'T!!

It's the weekend: time to relax and get away from the social pressures school can bring.  Or so you think.  However, when unwelcome social contact can now access you in your home, in the park, in the shopping centre.....wherever you access your mobile device, there is no longer such a thing as a safe place, UNLESS YOU DECIDE TO MAKE IT SO.    

Ask.fm is a Latavian based site that allows users to pose questions for others to respond to.  Innocent enough at first glance, but so easy for young teenagers to post first and think later.   If you think YOUR child would never do anything so foolish, it may be because (a) you have forgotten how immature you were at 13 (b) you certainly didn't have the internet then and the temptations it brings.

As parents we want our children to like us.   We want to think the best of them.  We don't like to think they would do things we wouldn't approve of.  But the truth is, our kids are just human too. And they don't have the maturity to understand the consequences of some of their actions, especially when it's as easy as responding to a simple questions.

Do these jeans make me look fat? Does she really like me? Who are my real friends?

These are just some of the questions that get asked on ask.fm, a social media site that allows users to invite anonymous answers. Kids put those kinds of questions out there in the hopes that they will learn the “truth” from people who don’t feel compelled to spare their feelings.

They hope the “truth” turns out to be good news: No, you don’t look fat. Yes, she truly likes you. I am your real friend xoxo.

But too often, it doesn’t work out that way.

Launched in 2010 as a rival to similar sites like Formspring and Honesty Box, Ask.fm has since surpassed them in popularity. The Latvian-based site reportedly has over 40 million members. The site can be linked to Facebook and Twitter, so questions can be posted to friends and followers. Ask.fm has courted controversy because it doesn’t have any of the reporting, tracking or parental control processes you can find on other social media sites. 

Some schools in the UK and Hong Kong have sent out letters to parents advising them not to allow their children to use Ask.fm.

What do parents need to know?

• Sites that allow anonymity reduce inhibitions. Kids who wouldn’t be cruel face-to-face and don’t get to see the consequences of their actions may feel justified saying hurtful things online.
• Seriously consider telling your children they are not allowed to use Ask.fm. For more information, stories of bullying online and support from other parents dealing with the fallout from ask.fm-related incidents, check out this popular Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/AskFmShouldBeDeleted.
• Whether you allow your child to use the site or not, have a conversation with them about civility online, flaming, and how anonymity might change how people act. 
• If you choose to allow your child to use Ask.fm, show them how to use the privacy tab in their settings to block anonymous posts, so that all comments are linked to the names of account holders. 
• Users can also create a blacklist to block comments and posts from those known to be cruel and/or aggressive online. 
• If your child chooses to link Ask.fm with their Facebook account, they can adjust the settings in Facebook so that posts are seen by the following: public, friends, only me or custom settings (allowing them to choose specific friends). 
• Supervise your kids’ activities online, especially on sites such as these. At minimum, you should have their username/ password and sit down with them once in a while to monitor what’s happening online. 
• If your child is involved in a bullying incident on Ask.fm, tell them not to respond. The best option is to delete the app and account. Unlike Facebook and Twitter, Ask.fm does not have any formal reporting mechanism, so you cannot get the perpetrator blocked by the site. 

8 Things Never To Say to a Teenager: (Michael Grose)

8 words never to say to a teenager or a child...

 There’s a phrase that’s best to refrain from if you want to maintain a good relationship with a child or teenager. It’s a phrase that was so often on the tip of my tongue when my kids were younger. It was so tempting sometimes to blurt out........... “These are the best years of your life.” Think it, but don’t say it. Here’s why.

Young people today are experiencing more pressure than ever. The DOLLY Youth Monitor 2011, which Parenting Expert Michael Grose was a contributor and spokesperson for, revealed that there was indeed a spike in anxiety and stress levels in 14-17 year olds. Three in five young people felt a great need to reduce stress. Girls are more likely than boys to be stressed. The greatest source of stress for today’s teens is the pressure they put on themselves.

Teen girls especially seem to believe that they have to succeed at everything they do, and seem to have created an impossibly high standard. 75% of girls want to be fitter; 65% want to get better marks; and 60% want to be more confident. Fear of not fitting in and of social isolation is a big worry for girls.

Boys, it seems are worried about fitting in, but not to the same extent as girls. Teens also worry about their families. One in five worry that their parents will divorce. This is obviously concerning when their safe refuge is unstable at a volatile developmental stage.

How do young people relieve pressure? Young people relieve pressure in healthy and unhealthy ways. Some eat too much; some admit to using alcohol even at this relatively young age and others get totally lost online. (Nothing wrong with escaping but you need to be placed firmly in the real world). More than one in four turns to music as a release, which is something that teenagers have always done. Sport, exercise and hanging out with friends are other healthy ways teens use to de-stress.

Here are some others ways you can help young people maintain good mental health:

 1. Maintain regular contact through family mealtimes. There is a correlation between families that have 5-6 meals together a week and good mental health. Mealtimes give you a chance to monitor their moods and also to talk, which is therapeutic.

 2. Help them get plenty of sleep. We under –estimate the impact of sleep. It’s vital for good well-being. Teens need plenty, but often get less as they get older. Learn more about good sleep hygiene so you can assist them get a good night’s sleep.

 3. Make sure they have someone to confide in. Girls are more likely to talk to a friend, and boys are more likely to talk to a family member when life is tough. Help them identity or find someone to talk with.

 4. Let them do something unproductive every day. Doing nothing is good for your mental health. It takes many forms- surfing the net, watching movies, talking to friends, playing with a pet, strumming a guitar, listening to music..........

 5. Encourage volunteering. The Positive Psychology movement strongly advocates volunteering as a way of relieving stress as it takes young people out of themselves, letting them do things where they don’t have to excel. Helping releases endorphins, which are the feel-good chemicals impacting on kids’ moods. The same thing happens when they are hugged. That leads me to a sixth idea......

 6. Hug them. Being told by people close to you that you are loved and loveable has always been good for your well-being. Sometimes in the endless striving for good parenting strategy we sometimes forget that it’s the ‘heart things’ as opposed to the ‘head things’ we do that make the biggest difference.

Next time you feel like blurting out that your kids have never had it so good, stop and think again. Today’s kids have lots of advantages but they also live with pressures that kids of previous generations didn’t have to contend with.